Pun Hell

Tristan and Dawn were in the dark.

(*sarcasm* HOW ROMANTIC)

You know…

(WHAT?)

Look out! Ninjas!

*ninjas descend from ceiling and kill User’s Girlfriend*

Ah well… now I can write without interruptions in those romantic moments.

Yes… Tristan and Dawn were in the dark.

Tristan: I wonder what’s on this level…

Dawn: I dunno, love. But I’m tired. Can we take a break?

Tristan: Sure love. Just sit on the bunny.

Dawn: Only if you sit with me. *naughty look in her eyes*

Tristan: *evil twist in his voice* of course.

Tristan: Hey, you notice we’re speaking like a chat room now?

Dawn: Hey… yeah… cool.

Tristan: w00t!

But little did they know that it was merely the dialogue in the form a chat room, and really they were just…

Dawn: Hey, where’s that voice coming from?

*whispers* characters in a play, to be toyed with as I see fit…

Dawn: I can still hear you! Shut up!

Tristan: Hey love…

Dawn: Yes?

Tristan: *kisses her*

Dawn: *makes out passionately with Tristan*

On the giant bunny, in the third level of pun hell, surrounded by who knows what terrible beasts and creatures (monkeys and ninjas), they made out. Tristan then boldly reached down with his hand and slowly slid her black silk shirt over her head. Dawn nearly tore his shirt from his body in her hurry to get it off. Kissing her softly, Tristan snapped his fingers and candles appeared all around the giant bunny. The soft smell of incense mingling with the scented candles filled the room. Tristan kissed a path down her neck to her breasts, inhaling the scent of the candles and incense now mingling with her scent, loving it. Dawn arched her back as Tristan reached around behind her and undid the clips that held her black lace bra on and flung it onto the floor. Dawn ran her fingers through his hair as he slowly drew each of her nipples into his mouth, where he flicked them with his tongue and lightly nibbled on them. Her fingers tightened on his hair with this last action. He laid her on her back then reached down and unzipped her black jeans, unbuttoned them and slid them down her short and beautiful legs. Slowly kissing from her ankles upwards, he made his way to her thighs while she urged him upwards. When she leaned forward to pull him upwards, he snapped his fingers and she found her hands tied with silk scarves to the giant bunny. Unable to move, she could do nothing but wait as Tristan slowly worked his way up to her thighs, then began to play with her black lace panties with his tongue. Slipping his tongue under, he began to play around. Stopping suddenly, he made her moan in despair as his head came back up to hers.

Tristan: I love you.

Dawn: Ti amo anche.

He kissed her then, staring into her eyes, his hands grasped the band of the panties and slid them down her legs until they rested in her jeans. Then his hands went back up to her and slowly a finger slipped inside of her, followed by another. His thumb found her clit and started rubbing on it in slow circles. His little finger went deeper between her legs and started stroking between her anus and her vagina. She moaned and he kissed her, a long deep kiss, their tongues intermeshing, touching, stroking. Her right hand went to the obvious bulge in his pants and stroked it slowly. She found the zipper and the button on his jeans, opened them and pulled them down. Her hand went inside his boxers and found his cut member. She stroked it slowly and Tristan moaned into her mouth. Suddenly she snapped her fingers and their positions were reversed. Tristan found his hands (now sticky) bound above him and Dawn with her hand in his boxers now. She pulled them down and off, along with his jeans, and then blew air lightly across his member. Tristan shuddered and then twitched from the feeling she was creating in him. She then reached up with her arm and scratched the back of his neck, really lightly. Tristan moaned in pleasure and in frustration. She kissed him, and then kissed down his neck to his nipples, which were now erect. She nibbled on them, sometimes hard sometimes soft and Tristan was literally jumping with each nipple. Finally she kissed down further and licked the length of his member.

Tristan: Stop torturing me!

Dawn: But it’s so much fun!

Tristan growled. Dawn played with his member for a while, stroking it a bit then flicking it lightly. Finally she gets up and returns her face to his.

Dawn: Je t’aime.

Tristan: Je t’aime aussi

She kisses him and then Tristan snaps his fingers and their positions are reversed once again. She is now tied to the bunny by her arms and legs with silk scarves, spread eagle. He straddles her and slowly enters her, trying to be gentle. He kisses her as she starts to moan. Tristan starts moving faster, in and out, moaning as well. Finally, together, they climax and fall to the ground sated.

Tristan: Was it good, your first time doing it in this story?

Dawn: Oh, yes. It was great. How about you?

Tristan: Excellent.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, killer monkey ninjas appear. One’s blade is still covered in blood. Tristan snaps his fingers and giant space whales appear, shooting mini-space whales at the monkeys, who get cancer and die. Then the dead ninja monkey spirits appear and kill the giant space whales. Then the giant space whale spirits appear. The spirits look at each other and then look at Tristan and Dawn.

Tristan: Ummmm….

Dawn: Run.

They ran through the forest and they ran through the trees. They ran through the bushes where the beavers (except Dawn’s pet beaver) wouldn’t go. They ran so fast that the hounds of hell couldn’t catch them, all the way back to the giant bunny, where they found the ninja monkeys awaiting them. Then out of nowhere came David. He came with a giant Bible and yelled at the ninja monkeys “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!” The monkeys exploded into tiny pieces. Then David came over to Tristan and Dawn.

David: Hi guys. Want to join my religion?

Dawn: Umm… no thanks.

Tristan: Nah.

David: Aww... come on. It’s a great excuse to break up with people and it’s the only way to get into heaven.

Dawn: That’s it…

Dawn pulled out a giant cheese grater and used it on David.

Tristan: What a cheesy way to finish this chapter.

And with that they fell through the floor into the next level of pun hell.

(MY GOD! THE SEX!)

User…welcome back... I thought you died.

(WELL YEAH! BUT I CAME BACK AS A GHOST)

Yeah… well… *pulls out a pentacle* THE POWER OF THE GODDESS COMPELLS YOU!

(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *explodes*)

Now… we must go forwards, not backwards, upwards not forwards and always twirling, twirling towards Chapter V.