Gob-Father Sundae

John sat in philosophy class on that dull Tuesday afternoon. He could hardly believe that it had been nearly a week since Dawn's death. Everyone said it was an unfortunate accident, but he knew the truth... it was that fucking Rubik's cube. John glanced towards the front of the room, where the professor was going on about God being perfect, and using ice cream as an example. Suddenly John had a thought, and quickly begain writing it down on his paper.

...ice cream to God---> keep adding perfection, until the ultimate perfection & add existance, and you arrive at God.

*Basically God is one big freaking sundae with a shitload of sprinkles.

John finished scribbling his notes, and then reread them. He began snickering as he imagined God being a pile of mint chocolate chip, in a large glass bowl...with...a huge freaking cherry on top. John chuckled once more, and then suddenly heard a rather loud whistling sound overhead. John glanced up only to, seconds later, be crushed by a one thousand pound container of chocolate chip cookie dough.

John opened his eyes slowly, as his head pounded. He had no recollection of what had just happened. The last thing he remembered was sitting in philosophy class. John shook his head once to clear it, and then took in his surroundings. No one was around, but he did notice that everything was white and bathed in light. Suddenly, something in the distance caught John's eye. He moved slowly towards it, then faster, until he arrive at the foot of... oh my god yes.. the biggest freaking mint chocolate chip sundae he'd ever seen. It even had a shitload of multicoloured sprinkles. John's eyes skimmed up the expanse of the mountain of ice cream, until, at the very top, they rested on a bright and flickering neon arrow sign that read: GOD! "Holy shit", John thought to himself, and then suddenly heard his name being called. He turned in time to see Dawn heading towards him, and wheeling a large wagon behind her. "Oh my god...Dawn", John exclaimed, and then rushed over to her. "Where are we", he questioned, looking around curiously. "Well, we're in Heaven of course", Dawn exclaimed, and then pulled the wagon up beside her. "Holy fuck", John exclaimed again. "Yeah, I know... that's what I said. I died getting smushed by a bus, but apparently you went out in style. They wasted a one thousand pound container of chocolate chip cookie dough on your ass", Dawn whined, throwing her hands up in the air. "Ooook... and I suppose you're now going to tell me that that's God over there", John countered, and then gestured to the mountain of ice cream. "Yup... and we all have spoons", Dawn replied enthusiastically, and then pulled out her metal soup sppon. "Well, where's mine", John inquired, as he looked around. "Its in there", Dawn replied, pointing to the wagon. John entered it, and found an enormous wooden spoon sitting there. He then quickly pulled it outside. "Mine's the biggest one", he exclaimed victoriously. "That's the because its perfection", Dawn said, as they both wandered over to the ice cream mountain that was God.

Dawn had had but two bites of the ice cream before she grew very full, and left John to attack the beast alone. Finally, after what seemed like eons, John managed to gobble down the entire thing. "Wow, that was really good", he exclaimed, before letting out a rather large belch. Then suddenly, there was a loud rumbling noise, and Dawn watched wide-eyed, as John's body expanded, and then burst into a large mountain of an unfamiliar flavour of ice cream. Dawn wandered over to the new sundae, and had a little taste. She then noticed a large bristol board and red marker, and wandered over to scribble large blocky letters. "Well... you are what you eat", Dawn shrugged wryly, and then planted the sign:

"GOB-FATHER ... The New Ben & Jerry's"