Dawn and the Rubix Cube

Dawn sat on the floor of her friend John's residence room. Glaring evilly at the multicoloured cube in her hands, she began to get frustrated. "Stupid piece of shit," Dawn cried, and tossed the thing to the floor. John jumped in his seat, and then whirled around. "Don't shout like that," he whined. Dawn gave him a withering look. "Fuck you," John snorted out, then returned to his music cataloging. "When and where?" Dawn asked, with smug sarcasm. "Hmmm... how about downstairs in the piano room? If I'm not there in ten minutes, start without me," John tossed back over his shoulder. "Touché," Dawn replied, and unconsciously grabbed the Rubik's cube once again. She began to twist each part multiple times, but never seemed to get the sequences quite right. "I'm going to give up on this damned thing pretty soon," Dawn sighed, but continued twisting. John turned around. "Its not that hard," he said. Suddenly, Dawn had an epiphany. "What if the day I solve the Rubik's cube is the day I die?" Dawn gapsed, in a mock serious tone. John shrugged and replied: "now there's a comforting thought". Dawn threw her head back and laughed, then quickly returned to her ambitious endeavours. After another thirty minutes of manipulating and toying with the cube, the colour schemes came perfectly together. "By George, I've finally go it," Dawn exclaimed in amazement. John glanced over. "And so you do," he said.

The next day......

Dawn was walking down the street, heading towards the downtown of Guelph. She had some errands to run, and wanted to take advantage of the semi nice weather to do them. Suddenly, Dawn heard rather loud quacking noises coming from the Speed River, on the other side of the street. She glanced up, and noticed the entire river was alive with swimming ducks and swans. "What the fuck are they doing up in this part of the world," she thought to herself. "Crazy freaks got their seasons mixed up." Dawn wanted a closer look, so she decided to cross the street. She, however, forgot to look both ways before making her move, and was, after hearing a horn blaring, smushed by a city bus. Next thing everyone saw of Dawn, was buttered and splatted over the bus's grill.

Dawn groggily opened her eyes, and noticed light shining all around her. She shifted to one side, then felt her hand was touching something vapor-like. She glanced down, and saw that she was apparently sitting on a cloud. WHAT THE FUCK... A CLOUD??? Not only that, but she was also all dressed in white and had... wings? "Where the fucking hell am I?" Dawn shouted. "You're in Heaven, with the rest of us," a mysterious voice replied, from Dawn's left side. Dawn pivoted, only to come face to face with a man wearing a white bathrobe, and fuzzy white bunny slippers. "Who the hell are you?" Dawn asked. "Well, I'm God, of course," he replied, lifting his arms lightly, and sauntering closer to her. "Why are you dressed like that then?" Dawn countered suspiciously. "Hey, cut me some slack... your...er... arrival... interrupted what was supposed to be a luxurious soak in the tub," the guy answered, raising his hands in defense. "Wow, I must be on some fucking potent shit," Dawn whispered to herself. "No, you're not," the man replied, coming even closer. "The what happened?" Dawn asked, becoming slightly agitated. "Look down," he replied. Dawn did this, and realized that she could see the entire world beneath her. She could see her friends going about their daily lives. She could see her parents holding the phone between them, her mother wiping tears, and she could see... her body buttered across the front of a bus? "You're dead, Dawn," God replied. "So, this really is Heaven, and you're really God?" she asked, in disbelief. "Mmmmhmmm," God replied. "Why... why am I dead?" Dawn countered curiously. "You solved the Rubik's cube," God shrugged nonchalantly. "Damn, that really happened, didn't it?" Dawn gasped. "Yup... you just had to solve that bitch, didn't you?" God replied, shrugging once more. Dawn suddenly became more conscious of her apparel. "I have wings and am wearing white, but I also have horns and a tail. And my halo seems bent. Why is that?" Dawn questioned. "Meh... you weren't badass enough to roast with my buddy, Lucifer, in hell, so we decided to slap these bitches on ya. Learn to live with 'em," God said passively.