DHDD: American Politics

Once upon a time in a land far far away, or rather right next door, there lay a beautiful maiden who's name doesn't really matter but we'll call her Bob for the purpose of this story... or wait a moment. That's not quite right. Let me go check the book, kids. No, sorry, her name was Jill. And there was a magic bean stalk... no wait that's the other story isn't it. Let me think... now how did this one go...

There once was a man named Bill. Bill was from the town of Clinton, which is somewhere in Alabama, so we all know what went on there, it's very much like buckingham (no offense scrabble) and this might explain a few things about Bill. Bill was a very loose man, his pants hung around his ankles he was so loose and he drove all the women insane with his pointed, thrusting comments. He lived in a white house and it had pictures of very very old, very very famous, very very prestigeous and very very dead people all around the house. Lots of people thought ole Bill was a nutter, but he was a pretty decent guy, when not around women. But most people didn't like him, so after living only eight years in his white house, they kicked him out and no one shed a tear. Then, two guys one named George and the other named Al fought over his house. It was a very nice house and rumour had it there was an evil monkey hand in the basement that let you control the world. You'd always recognize George as he was a rather bushy person... in fact people suspected his mother was a squirrel, he was so bushy. And Al had a habit of being very gory in his battles... not to be confused with glory, of which he had none. So the two of them duked it out, with the judge being some nice guy whose name I forget from Florida. He sat on a tall tall fence between the two, watching them shout and tried to decide who would be better in that house with that evil monkey hand just lying around. Finally someone knocked him off the fence after a month with a large stone chucked by a giant and he fell down on the side of George. George leapt for joy and ran straight away into that house to search for the evil monkey paw. He searched and he searched and he searched, but to no avail. Finally the spirit of Bill appeared to him and pointed him in the direction of the monkey paw, which George found very odd as Bill had no hands to point with. Obviously the hand were very busy at the moment, he supposed. With the evil monkey paw in his control, he set out to dominate the world. He paid a guy named Oscar (or something like that... might have been an "m" in there or something) to attack his house, but Oscar missed and hit the guy next door,who lived in a pentagon, and the guy on the other next door, who lived in the tallest house in the world. It was so tall that the man who lived there had his own elevator and he didn't need to pray to talk to God. This tall tall house burnt down and George and his neighbour were very upset. The guy who lived next door, with his husband, were also quite upset, but George paid no attention to him, after all he wasn't important was he? George went off with the evil monkey paw to dominate the world, starting with this Oscar fellow. Soon it moved over to a poor insane fellow who's only crime was releasing deadly nerve toxins on his own people and being a general poo-poo head in general and eventually George captured this man and put him in a jail somewhere where no one knows what happnes to him (rumour has it, he locked him up with his neighbour and his husband, figuring they'd have fun together. anyone say menage a trois? After all, all gay people are associated with the devil). But then, a new guy came on the scene named John, who was a very karing person. His middle named was Finch, so everyone knew he was a gonner the moment they spelt his entire name out. The people wanted to kick George out of his white house, but he wanted to stay in, so he fought with John for the right to keep the house. Again, they battled in the same field where Al and George had fought years before, but this time the judge was from Ohio, not Florida. And again, someone knocked the judge off of his seat and again fell on the side of... you guessed it George! George ran into the house to reclaim his monkey paw and was about to restart his plans to dominate the world when he choaked on a toothpick and died. His last words were "Kill the rainbow people!" Most people thought he was insane and said "Good riddence". The few who knew about the rainbow people spit on his corpse adnd then said "Good Riddence". And John ruled with an iron temperate monkey fist for the next eight years when he was then replaced by Hillary, who happened to be Bill's daughter and in his mannerisms and habits, was his exact twin. And then, as prophised, as soon as Hillary picked up the evil monkey hand, the world came to an end.

The End.

Alright, alright I'm sorry... I've written a monster haven't I. I'd liked to apologize to the following people.

All americans. I'm sorry most of you are such idiots that I have to mock you.
George W. Bush, for being such a moron with his anti-rainbow people, pro-christian fundamentalist policies. But I do love his socialist policies
John Kerry and Al Gore, for being subjects of my monster of a story
Bill Clinton and his daughter Hillary Clinton, for being such EASY TARGETS!
All the rainbow people who were offended by my story
All the people from buckingham and alabama who were offended by my story. (you know it's true)
Osama bin Laden, for corrupting his name (may you rot in hell)
Saddam Huissen, for making gay jokes about him
To the creators of South Park for blantently ripping off from their awesome show
All the supporters of Bush, Kerry, Gore, Clinton (daughter and father), Saddam, South Park and Osama bin Laden who were deeply offended. (If you were lightly offended, either learn to read or reconsider your support.)
All people who live in the fence-sitting, can't count states of Ohio and Florida.